The infamous “B” word, or rather, the sentence that we all love to hate…
“So when are you guys having a BABY?”
Isn’t it funny how this is the question on everyone’s lips literally right after you get back from honeymoon, or at most family functions you go to or even worse when you attend a babyshower you get a random hand touching your stomach saying “When is your one coming?”
Now, please dont take my tone to be angry or irritable, as I too find myself being the culprit of asking that exact question, but I have come to realise that it is such an impersonal question to ask.
How do you know if that exact person you’re asking isnt suffering from Infertility, endometriosis or an underlying medical problem? But in the same breath, I ask myself, why are woman not being more open about it?
Instead of saying: “Maybe next year” or “No No, not anytime soon, we still young”. We should say: “We actually going through some personal stuff and are taking it as it comes” – I honestly think people will understand and drop the subject until you yourself want to talk about it.
Now I get that by saying that, it just opens up the conversation to the questioner asking more questions that you not neccessarily ready to talk about openly.
I’ve been there. I get it. It’s a Catch 22…
So this is where I step into the picture…
There has been a major baby boom within our family and friends. Babies from my side and my husbands side of the family and close friends and you can’t help but feel almost “pressured” into starting your own family.
It’s no secret that with an underlying medical problem, family and friends tread lightly around the “B” word with me. From the day I was diagnosed, Dr’s have warned me to be careful not to fall pregnant, due to the high mortality risk for women with this disease. Pregnancy affects nearly every organ, but perhaps one of it’s most dangerous aspects is the increase in blood volume within the cardiovascular system, which could be fatal for someone with pulmonary hypertension. I was also warned that many medications to help treat pulmonary hypertension can cause terrible birth defects. Pretty rough right?
Honestly back then, I didnt give it much thought. Well, of course I wanted to have children one day but now as an adult, the words ” You can’t fall pregnant“, takes on a whole new meaning for me.
It’s like I’m mourning the loss of the family and life that I thought I would have. It means I will never know what it feels like to be pregnant and to watch my belly grow. To have those “movie type’ moments where my husband cradles and kisses my belly housing our little bundle of joy. I will never know that feeling of complete and utter joy of being pregnant.
Sadness washes over me at the thought of what I would be missing out on, but it’s not to say that I will never have the chance to be called a mother.
So the next time someone asks me that infamous question with the “B” word, I’ll smile and answer: “As you know, it’s not easy for us and It’s really high risk for me, but we happy to say that we are looking into surrogacy”